A whole new world

Well, early this week, two pieces of news looked up at me trying to say something:-

1.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/6681793.stm

“Female hammerhead sharks can reproduce without having sex, scientists confirm.
The evidence comes from a shark at Henry Doorly Zoo in Nebraska which gave birth to a pup in 2001 despite having had no contact with a male.
Genetic tests by a team from Belfast, Nebraska and Florida prove conclusively the young animal possessed no paternal DNA, Biology Letters journal reports. “
2.
http://www.thestatesman.net/page.news.php?clid=10&theme=&usrsess=1&id=157116

“Mr Partha Sarathi Ghose of the state’s animal husbandry department today said that the hen changed its gender without artificial intervention at Kamat-Chengrabanda village in Mekhligunj sub-division. Officials of the department rushed to the village with the local block development officer after a paper published the news yesterday. Claiming that there were scientific reasons behind the change, Mr Ghose described it as a “rarest of rare incidents”

Ever since I read about the two pieces of news….I got this nagging feeling that somehow they are connected...I have not exactly been able to figure out how…may need some help here.

Now I understand the first news has something to do with sex, or the lack of it….what they are saying is that someone (or something) gave birth without having sex.

The second one is about…well sex again, no longer a verb but a noun…a hen changed to a cock.

Ok, so both are about sex…two different parts of speech though. And you know what, now I know what connects the two. No, it is not sex….rather it is the absence of it.

Now for a moment imagine that these kind of capabilities get passed on to the human kind. And while you are at it, also imagine that a person can change sex as many times as he/she wants.

Think about it, you can morph into the opposite sex, and you can give birth without sex. The possibilities are humongous.

With asexual reproduction, the higher reason for sex, that of giving birth, will no longer apply. Now when you consider the risks of sex….from contracting all kinds of diseases, to being caught doing it by your spouse or partner (i.e when you do it with someone else, which would mostly be the case if you are getting caught)…you may just decide its not worth the trouble after all. And what will really help you reach this conclusion is the fact that you can change your gender and it may just take away the need for having sex with someone else. So phrases like pleasuring yourself will take on a whole new meaning.

So we move on to a world where you no longer have sex with others, but only with your self and are happy doing it. You will have both male and female wardrobe, you may consider “Ok, last year in K’s anniversary I was this handsome dude, lets be a gorgeous doll this year”…you get the drift?

Well the fashion and lifestyle industry will have to come-up with a whole new set of uni-sex clothing. They will be challenged about whom to appeal to …the urban male or the new woman…for they will be one and the same.

Man, this is exciting. With no need to impress the opposite sex we’ll move onto a more simple, less complicated, un-convoluted society.

Split personality will give way to split gender. There will be less wars, less frustration, less serial killers, more equal distribution of wealth (the last one I am not sure of, but then it some how seals the argument). More importantly it will spell the end of gender wars and those weeds called feminists for sex as a distinction will cease to exist.

Some may say it will be dull. Well suit yourself, to the American, President, peace is dull, so what?

There would be couples still, but they wont be getting together for pleasure or procreation but for pure love, a non-physical, spiritual relationship. Isn’t that the ultimate desired state for any relationship?

So let’s hear it for a world where you do not need sex (not even to sustain civilisation) with the opposite sex. And it is not abstinence, but rather a better, more pleasurable way to be. For you are both, the he and the she. It is the final union of the man and the woman in one body.

Things that I should be ashamed of:-

I have been thinking. Well that’s what I do when I am doing nothing else (and its most of the time really).

What are the things that I am really ashamed of having done and will never do again?

Cheat in my exams…well I am not all that ashamed of it in the first place…so the second part does not arise.

The lies I told to my parents/family? Hey get real…are you joking….consider the lies I did not tell. Ashamed, no way!

Picking on those weaker than me? Offcourse not, that’s what every one does. In History books they call it war.

Infidelity, well I have not yet got the opportunity and when I do, believe me that will be a proud moment for me.

Being dishonest? Now that’s a tough one….but considering that we have already got lies and infidelity out of the way… that takes away most of the dishonesty part with it, does it not? I think it does.

This confessional isn’t working; let’s try to turn it around (it is at this point that the lawyer will dramatically turn to the Judge and say, “Mi-lord, please note my client’s sincerity”).

I have smoked and drank at an early age. Well, considering the age limit has been coming down every few years, maybe I was just a little ahead of my time (and history judges such people very kindly).

I have beaten up others. But then, I have got beaten up a lot more, so it should cancel itself out and there’s no reason for me to be ashamed of it.

So, I guess I can proudly stand up and say that I have done nothing that I am ashamed of, or will not do it again.

But hang on…. I do not need such a lengthy write up….let see, what are the things I cannot tell my mom or my child,… do I see the list forming....unfortunately yes…and its growing.

Let’s get up and do something for a change. This thinking stuff puts me to shame.

Kiss and wink

1 Richard Gere kisses Shilpa Shetty
2 Iranian President Ahmedinijad kisses his childhood teacher’s hand.
3 President Bush winks at the Queen.

The above has hogged the headlines for the last couple of weeks and it is all for the good. Why? Well, here’s why:-

1. Richard Gere kisses Shilpa Shetty
It’s good. Brings Shilpa back in the headlines (and Gere also, for the guy is pretty much a has-been now). So it’s good for them. Gets a presumptuous publicity seeking Judge transferred from Jaipur to the obscurity of Kishangarh - good for the judiciary. Exposes the shallowness of the country’s moral police – that makes it good for the country and society, and …this is important…allows warped minds such as mine to fantasise on what it would have been like to be in Gere’s place (especially considering Shilpa’s height, the average Indian male would not have reached as far as her cheeks…) which makes it good for, well, me.

2. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad kisses his child hood teacher’s hand.
This is also mostly good. The President makes a ‘fundamental mistake’ and probably realises that fundamentalism has its pitfalls. It may just have a humbling effect on him and help him turn the corner. The Iranian fundamentalists display their intolerance and find little support. So it’s good for the moderates in Iran. The whole world gets to crack a few jokes about it. Thankfully no fatwas are issued and the President goes back to more socially acceptable activities like denying the Holocaust, building a N Bomb and patronising global terrorism.

3. President Bush winks at the Queen.
Now this is really good just because it is so funny. It is funny especially because everyone was expecting some blooper from the American Warlord (a term used by Borat) during the Queen’s visit. And he was true to form. Of course unlike the other two cases, this is not a kiss but only a wink…but then when you consider the protagonists, it is no less (if not more) than the other two on the social outrage meter. So it is good for the media, good for Bush (he continues to look stupid) as the American public prefer a predictable President rather than one who is not. It is good for the Queen, yes it is, she must be thanking her lucky stars she did not visit the White House during Clinton’s tenure… who knows what could have happened then.

And you know what is really good when you take all three together. For a change you have headline news that makes you laugh. Not news that makes you snicker as one did at the expose of Indian Cricket team’s dressing room squabbles during the world cup, nor recoil in horror at another suicide blast in Baghdad killing innocents, nor sigh when we read about our elected representatives indulging in ‘kabootarbaazi’ and what not.

Lets have more of this kind of news, they are a welcome change. And when you don’t have news, make some, here are a few suggestions:-

• Sonia Gandhi winks at President Kalam.
  
• Siddhu kisses Sheila Dixit.
  
• Mayawati pinches PM Manmohan Singh’s bottom (can’t imagine someone wanting to pinch Mayawati’s).
  
  More Suggestions?
  

It is the pornography that binds us!

On the verge of stepping onto the wrong side of 30, many memories flit by, not all pleasant. Of the memories that are pleasant, the ones from my days in school, standout.

I passed my 12th Std in 1991… from one of the not quite leading schools of Calcutta…sorry….Kolkata. It was a Kolkata without today’s multiplexes and shopping mall. For better or for worse, Lindsay Street, Chowringhee, Park Street were still the most happening places in the city and school days were much different from what they would be now, at least in one aspect.

The difference was pornography…or more accurately, the availability, sharing and quality of it. Yes, the wonderful, stimulating and informative world of pornography was different then.

Those were the days when the internet was unheard of…a VCR (or the cheaper VCP) was a possession of pride… to be found in only a few privileged households in the neighbourhood or for that matter in our circle of friends… and the colour TV….though catching on was still a novelty.

Schools were strict (guess they still are) and in movie theatres an A certificate meant you really could not go in (do not know the situation today).
The PG grade did not exist then….and what does it mean any way??? Parental guidance!!…does that mean your parents guide you through the x scenes….give me an A certificate any day!!!

Pocket allowances were inadequate when compared to the price of a People, Penthouse or Playboy.

However….as has been proved through the course of history ….human ingenuity always finds a way of overcoming infrastructural inadequacies….and any vacuum gets filled… (that certainly sounded tacky…where did I hear that…or did I actually make up that crap!!!).

So what did we have….to satisfy (certainly not satiate) our unending quest for knowledge of the sexual kind?

Well there was the friendly neighbourhood video cassette parlour, which would rent out not just the cassette…higher the number of Xs, higher the rental, but would also help with a VCR/VCP and a color TV for the right rental. However this proved a challenge as you cannot quite smuggle in a couple of video cassettes, a VCR and a Color TV!!! You could do it only when your parents and all your neighbours were away. This had its challenges…but considering the rewards that waited at the other end of the picture tube…many did risk it and several perished….or if you want a simpler word….were caught.

Then there was the burgeoning South-Indian adult film industry (someone told me they were all Malyalee) which churned out dubbed gems with names like Jawani Ki Kahani, Khuli Khidki, Kachhi Jawani, Kachhi Kali etc.

Highly progressive cinema halls like Pradip – on Tollygunge Circular Road, (the temple of early sex education which ran on a philosophy of permissiveness that was far ahead of its time), Tiger (which was a late convert but failed to sustain itself) and who can forget the champion of liberal cinema Jamuna – on the crossing of Free School Street and Sudder Street. This titan of liberal thinking straddled the corner and ran classics like My First Wife, Sex Lies and Videotape and greater hits like Gwendoline, Barbarian Queen, Sirocco…the list goes on. Often the films will have inserted in them a couple of minutes of hardcore porn….that would bring a welcome relief to most audiences and not to mention…finally giving them what they had come for.

However the one that was the greatest help and most accessible too was the printed stuff (hardcopy if you will). While the Playboy, Penthouses were prohibitively expensive, there was cheaper printed stuff available as well…mostly this cheaper stuff meant business, unlike the better known magazines which kind of did not take you through the whole journey. This cheaper variety of printed porn brings me to a stalwart in its class, Human Digest.

If there ever was informative literature then this was it. A low risk indulgence, there was so much focus on the printed word that it had no pictures!!! (there may have been one on the cover….but we rarely got to see one, as it would be covered in some newspaper or brown paper to give it the innocuousness it demanded but did not deserve) Rich with words we did not understand…and words that the guys at Webster are still to discover…this was sexual literature in its rawest form…and some would add, at its best.

In today’s world of easy availability of pornography…the excitement of a group study of Human Digest, the awkwardness of running into your neighbour at Jamuna cinema, the fear of getting caught by your parents watching porn at home, the pride of possessing a Penthouse, the recognition of being one who has access to blue films, the euphoria from watching one’s first 3X not to mention the ecstasy, the thrill of leafing through pages of porn held below the desk while the teacher explains the difference between mass and weight…all these have become a thing of the past….

Our generation was probably the last that enjoyed that privilege. Even as we carry this legacy….a legacy that we can no longer pass on… we rejoice in the awareness that it is the pornography that binds us.